*groans* I don't know why I'm torturing myself like this. It's so awful, it makes Twilight by Stephanie Meyer look like a masterpiece. I don't think I can get through this review with my sanity in tact. Now what horrible book am I talking about? Why Jackson's Pride by Lynn Lorenz. Just sit right down and grab some strong alcohol as we review this horrible book.
First, we'll look at the cover. It's boring. Oh look, two men with the title and author above in such a wonderful font you can find on Microsoft Word. There's nothing special about it. It's just a stock pose so bland I think the cover is falling asleep.
Now, why do authors obsess over forbidden love? Yeah, the forbidden apple is the sweetest, but the theme of forbidden love has been done so many times, the cow for it is almost looking like the Twilight merchandise cash cow. It gets worse when the author doesn't even show the romance being forbidden. With this book –as with other books under the same theme– we are told the romance is forbidden, but we are never shown such a statement.
We find our first clue this book will suck by hearing that Jackson –the main character– carries a sword on his back. Yeah, it looks badass having a sword on your back. As Linkara has mentioned about characters having shoulder armor over one shoulder, it might look badass, but it will hinder you greatly in battle. To put a sword on your back, unsheathing it would be extremely hard to do as the blade is long and your arm is short, thus you would have to maneuver the sheath so you could pull the sword out. That's why you carry a sword around your waist. If the blade is so large, the only way to carry it is on your back, then you're an idiot who deserves to be killed off. As said before, the blade would be far too long for you to fully unsheathe on your back. Add to that, if the sword is so big you have to carry it on your back, then it would be far too heavy to pick up –much less fight with it.
Next up; the romance. *shudders* Basically, Jackson rescues Will –the love interest– from certain death. They go to a hut and Jackson returns Will to health. When Will is awake, he flirts with Jackson. Soon enough, the two have sex. The sex scene is nothing special. We learn that Will is a son of a duke and Jackson is a bastard son of a different duke (more on the dukes later) that became a mercenary. The biggest problem with these two is that they whine constantly. “Oh I'm a bastard son. I can never be with Will.” “He doesn't love me. I think I'll just die”. How about we replace their dialogue with whining? It wouldn't take away from the plot.
The next problem with the romance is that they've known each other for three days awake, and suddenly, they are soul mates. How do we know they're soul mates? Why because they have a bond between them. *groans* Three days isn't enough to know they love each other! It's enough to know if you like someone, but not enough to know you love them and want to spend your life with them. Even with that, we are told that Will has been 'in love' with other men, then turns emo when they break up because he thought they were meant to be together. How the hell is this anything special? They don't fucking love each other! They are only lusting for the other!
We are told that it is forbidden for men to love other men. As with Transgressions, *shudders* you can say that men loving other men is forbidden because of the time period, but if you show the opposite, then it's not going to be forbidden. In this story, A group of men beat up Will and leave him to die because he's gay. Jackson's dad moans about having two gay sons, but he's all fine and dandy about it fifteen minutes later. Then there's Jackson's brother who's gay. Will's brother and sister-in-law are also fine with the two loving each other. So if the main people are fine with their sexuality, then there's nothing forbidden.
We learn that the villain of the story is Jackson's brother, Hugh, the moment we learn that Hugh is Jackson's younger brother. The more we learn about Hugh, the more obvious he's the villain, until it bashes us over the head he's the villain. Honestly, his villain ways are about as discrete as a Disney villain. Hell, with all the description, he has to be a Disney villain. He has black hair, wears black clothing, is attractive, hates the main character and love interest, has a black heart, is a sadist, is a narcissist, is greedy, power hungry, has evil minions, is dedicated to torturing and killing the main character, everyone hates him, is evil, and has words 'like a serpent'. He just needs an evil laugh and he'll be part of the Disney Villain Club. Right now, he's the pitiful groupie forbidden to enter the club. By the end of the book, you're yelling at it to shut up about Hugh being evil. We get it! He's the bad guy! How about trying to make your characters three-dimensional instead of fapping to the sex scenes!
I have to say this: Jackson is a wimp. Yeah, he's a mercenary who has killed many men. Yeah, he's a big guy, but he whines about everything and gives up after every little thing that happens. Will is royalty: I can never be with him. They have sex: I can't believe we did that. Jackson gets beaten by his brother: I can't believe it happened. He becomes blind in one eye: How shall I live? His brother rapes him: I will never love again. His brother beats him: I'll just kill myself. Will saves him: You hate me. Will has sex with Jackson and he fucking acts like nothing happens! Grow some balls!
Now with the duke shit. First, They have dukes ruling kingdoms. I don't know much about royalty, but I'm pretty sure Dukes don't rule kingdoms. If you want someone ruling a kingdom, use a fucking king or lord! Next, Will says the job of a Duke is to do nothing. That makes no sense! The job of a ruler is to, ya know, rule the country. The leader doesn't sit around doing nothing! He has laws to make, people to care for, decisions to make, and all around care for the country. They don't fucking do nothing!
Then there's the confusion of leader names and kingdom names. According to the book, the name of the kingdom is the same as the last name of the leader. That is completely stupid. What if the ruler dies without any heirs and the only living relative is a sister who got married? Does the name of the town suddenly change? Do the leader's last name suddenly change? Even then, it's completely confusing if they're talking about the kingdom or the ruler since the author uses the leaders' last names instead of their first. Use their first name! No, wait, don't name the kingdom after the living leader! Use some fucking creativity!
Finally, let's talk about the writing. There isn't anything great about it. It's barely average writing. They do suffer from telling instead of showing. Anyone who cares about writing know that you should show something instead of telling it. It will make your story suck less. The author also loves to mess up wordings. For instance, A dais is a raised platform for the leader's seat. It's stupid to say a raised dais, because it's already raised, you'd be calling it a raised raised platform. Yet this author called it a “raised dais”. As I said, the writing is just barely average, but the storytelling is so awful, it has to be a comedy... only I was crying instead of laughing. It's just sad that the beginning was good, then it turned to shit. It's almost like the editor realized the book was shit and just gave up.
Well, that's Jackson's Pride. Is it bad? Hell yeah. Would I recommend it? Only if you want to lose your sanity. Ya know, This whole thing just seems so familiar. Wait, Jackson. Jack son. Jack Sparrow. William. Will Turner. Jackson carries no name. Will carries a name. Sword fights. *gasp* It's a thinly veiled Pirates of the Caribbean Will/Jack Fanfiction! FFFFFFUUUUUUUU- *head explodes*
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